The Evolution of Schtuff

I traveled internationally for 4 months wearing a 45 liter pack on my back and a smaller backpack in the front through 15 countries. I had to be prepared for all climates – the nauseating heat of summer in Australia, the bitter cold of dead winter in Poland and Germany and the downpours of spring in Italy. I sent my ex-boyfriend back from Italy with a few extra items in his luggage and shipped a small package from Madrid a month before returning. I had posted a list of what I carried when I departed in January so I figured it was only appropriate to show what I returned with. Items in red were lost, broken or sent back to the states. Items in green were purchased along the way.

in 45 liter pack:
-1 pair of stylish boots – these got tossed in late April into a trash can in Leiden, Holland after quite literally being worn until disintegration
-1 pair of sneakers
-1 pair of black sandals purchased in a size too small (apparently they don’t have big footed women in Western Europe) in Lisbon to wear to the Moulin Rouge
-1 pair of black flip flops – these were tossed in the beginning of my trip in Australia to save space knowing I was headed into the winter months of Germany and Poland
-2 dresses (1 casual & 1 fancy) – I ended up with a different formal dress purchased in Lisbon for the Moulin Rouge after sending my ‘fancy’ dress back with Jon
-1 thin, stylish hoodie
-1 nice, outerwear jacket – this jacket ended up not being warm enough nor as waterproof as I thought and was replaced with a purple Northface in Rome
-1 cute cardigan sweater
-1 fashion scarf
-1 pair of jeans these jeans grew too big and were sent back with Jon – I bought a new pair of denim and a grey pair of pants in Florence – a pair bought in Berlin was shipped back from Madrid
-1 pair of jeggings – sent back with Jon
-1 pair of shorts – sent back with Jon
-1 pair of capri pants – shipped back from Madrid
-1 pair of pajama pants purchased in Berlin
-1 Paddington Bear pajama set purchased in London
-1 fancy tank top – ruined during a laundry incident in Prague
-2 tanks tops / under shirts – shipped back from Madrid – replaced with 2 tank top bras from Lisbon
-1 long sleeve shirt – ruined in Prague – new one purchased in Lisbon
-2 blouses
-3 cotton blouses – 2 shirts ruined in Prague – replaced in Lisbon
-2 cotton t-shirts – 1 shirt ruined in Prague
-1 workout tank top
-1 sports bra
-1 tan bra
-1 bathing suit
-1 camping towel – sent back with Jon
-21 pairs of underwear – ended with 16 pairs of underwear
-14 pairs of socks
-1 reusable shopping bag for dirty laundry
-1 toiletry bag containing: deodorant, a razor with extra blades, shampoo, facewash, lotion, toothpaste, toothbrush, floss, QTips, tampons, nail file, prescribed anti-anxiety medication, comb, extra hair elastics, a headband, bobby pins, makeup and some jewelry
-1 blue hat haggled for in Rome – sent back with Jon
-2 pairs of earrings purchased in Seville
-1 bracelet gifted by a co-worker in Paris
-1 ring purchased in Florence
-1 trinket bracelet gifted to me in Galway
-1 new claddaugh ring purchased in Cork at Blarney Castle

in backpack:
-purse (containing ID, passport, hand sanitizer, sunglasses + wallet) – purse was destroyed – new one purchased in Seville – new sunglasses were also purchase in Florence and then again in London to replace lost pairs + 1 leather sunglass case purchased in Florence
-computer + charger for work
-iPad for work-phone + charger
-mobile phone charger purchased in Australia
-wall outlet adapter
-headphones
-sweet leather fanny pack – sent back with Jon
-leather journal – shipped back from Madrid
-hello / goodbye book for memories + notes from people I meet along my journey
-blank watercolor postcard – shipped back from Madrid
-watercolor travel kit – shipped back from Madrid
-1 reusable plastic water bottle – broke in Germany
-travel pillow purchased during layover in London on the way to Australia
-2 books from Amsterdam, 1 was purchased and 1 was gifted
-1 beautiful hand crocheted ping gifted to me in Germany – lost in Prague
– 1 book gifted to me in Poland  – sent back with Jon
-1 book gifted to me in Augsburg – re-gifted to a friend in Frankfurt
-1 small Astronomical table clock gifted to me in Prague – sent back with Jon
-artwork purchased on the streets of Prague and Venice – sent back with Jon
-stainless steel Italian espresso maker purchased in Venice – sent back with Jon
-personalized wax seal kit with gold wax given to me in Venice – sent back with Jon
-small trinkets and presents purchased through traveling (some stayed with me) – most sent back with Jon or shipped from Madrid
-4 chocolate bars purchased in Belgium
-37 pins purchased from each city visited in Australia and Europe
-1 of each coin in the 7 currencies I paid with
-1 CD purchased from a band playing in a park in Barcelona
-1 spoon – stolen in Germany – used to take selfies throughout Europe

Before
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After
packing after trip
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Life contained in 6x8x8 space.

Welp, my life in San Francisco is neatly packed away into a 6x8x8 storage unit. I have no idea what life stage I’ll be in the next time I see this stuff… where I’ll be moving it to or who I’ll be moving it with… It’s both terrifying and electrifying.

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I am leaving my heart in San Francisco

Being the over-achieving OCD Virgo that I am, I naturally crossed off about 70% of my moving and traveling to do list within one week of being back from my SoCal trip. I have packed as much as I can possibly pack that’s not in use (mind you, we don’t move until the end of the month). I sat in my living room on Thursday night, surrounded by boxes and totes, and thought… a lot. I’ve been so excited about going traveling that I hadn’t realized that it meant leaving my life as it is now – a life that is full of love, fun and amazing people. I have been so wrapped up in the romance of my travels that I failed to realize that I was giving up the first apartment I have felt at home in, missing out on a life in San Francisco that I cherish each day and risking change (for better or worse) in my relationships as they are now. People have been saying how ‘brave’ I am for making this decision, but I have realized – it is not the going that is courageous, it is the leaving. It’s easier to make bold decisions when you are unhappy, like I did when I decided to leave Providence for San Francisco… but when you are happy with your life? Oh man… to leave it behind, even if it is to chase my dreams of traveling… Well, I am just beginning to realize how hard that really is. I suppose I should consider how blessed I am to have people who make saying ‘goodbye’ (or even ‘see you later’) so difficult. And while intellectually I know that if it is meant to be, I will find a way to reclaim my life in San Francisco, my heart can’t help but feel a bit torn (cue Tony Bennett’s I left my Heart in San Francisco). San Francisco, I leave you my heart… but I’m taking my curious nature, thirst for adventure and generous spirit with me.

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