“Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death.” –Omar Bradley

Gośka and I packed our bags on a rainy morning to hop on a bus to Galway to spend my last weekend in Europe together. We zoned out while listening to music through our headphones and snuggled under a hoodie sprawled over both of us for warmth as we drifted to sleep during the three hour journey.

I could feel as if my energy was noticeably different than when we’d first met 2 1/2 months prior in Poland. I was tired, growing weary of travel and becoming increasingly more anxious about returning back to the states where every aspect of my life was up in the air – not knowing what would become of my job, relationship and location. I have a small sense of home in each person I love but where will I call home? Where do I belong? How can I know what’s right for me now? And for the future? These thoughts circle in my head, wearing down on me constantly. Feeling so conflicted and torn, it is a constant effort to just breathe and exist in the grey area – to be okay with not having all the answers (something I have never been comfortable with).

For weeks, I had to wear a brave face to everyone I was meeting… feeling the need to be ‘on‘ all of the time. I sat with Gośka at dinner… quiet, unable to participate in even light conversation. I found myself apologizing for my energy and how crummy I was feeling. She paused and smiled… “Jackie, I’m happy just to be with you… any way you are.” A feeling of calm washed over me as my eyes welled up with years, I was accepted just as and who I was. Her words were simple yet profound and eloquent. In that acceptance, I began to snap out of my haze. We had a really nice evening exploring Galway, even in the rain. I could feel the lightness returning to me.

I was extremely nervous about hiring (that’s how they say ‘renting’ in Europe) a car for our trip to the Cliffs of Moher. Gośka was unable to drive due to an age minimum so if we wanted to see these cliffs, I had to get passed my fear.

The drive up was incredible – I got a whiff of both literal and figurative fresh air. It was supposed to rain all day (90% chance for each hour of that morning and early afternoon) but minus about 15 minutes of light rain, the sun was shining all day. Along the way, a song my grandmother used to sing, ‘Mellow Yellow‘ came on the radio… we stopped at the top of a hill to take in the views and I saw a post with my father’s initials on it… and on the way to the airport, I heard a new song by Paolo Nutini who my friend and I used to adore… I’m not sure what I believe but all these signs from loved ones who have passed just helped to further the sense of peace and destiny I was feeling. It was as if every moment of this day was meant to be – as it had felt when I first met Gośka in Warsaw – that feeling of absolute presence and gratitude.

When I saw the post with my father’s initials, I explained to Gośka what was making me smile and at that moment, the clouds parted and I could feel the warmth as the sun shone on my face. We stood there, just smiling and hugging. I took the opportunity to present her with a gift… a green bracelet (her favorite color) with a shamrock charm on it. I knew how special Ireland was to her and how special she was to me, I wanted her to have a trinket of our adventure together.

After a few hours of exploring the cliffs, we had gone as far as we could before realizing we had to turn around to have enough time for lunch and to make it to the airport. Gośka and I took a seat near the edge of a cliff to embrace these last moments… to soak it all in. She presented me with a gift… an orange bracelet (my favorite color) with two charms – a letter ‘J’ and a shamrock with her initial on one side and my lucky number, 23 on the other. I was astounded at the coincidence of our presents to each other. We laughed and hugged the entire walk back.

That feeling of being right where and who I was meant to be could not have been stronger that day. It was a reminder that no matter what is going on now, no matter what is to come… so long as I act in love and truth, I will always be okay.

Our goodbye was brief, she had an earlier flight than I did and due to misinformation of the gas station location from the car rental agent in Galway, our original plan of dropping the car off and walking into the airport together was shot. We hugged quickly and I sped away to find a place to fill the tank before returning the car with barely enough time for me to make it through security for my flight. In a way, I’m glad we didn’t have more time for goodbyes because I know I will see my Polish sister again… there was no reason to allow ourselves to feel any sadness.

Moments in Galway:
-Walking through the pouring rain through the Latin Quarter, Claddagh neighborhood and to the Spanish Arch
-Seeing the swans bobbing in the turbulent water
-Ducking in and out of pubs in search of the perfect place for a pint, I was particular excited to check out ‘Coyote Ugly‘
-After a few bars, we realized we’d rather relax and prepare for the day ahead – at home, we drank tea and cuddled up to watch ‘Dirty Dancing‘ as we drifted to sleep

Moments in the Cliffs of Moher:
-Driving on the opposite side of the road in the opposite side of the car in the tiny, windy road on the way (with no major incidents… ahem, only two minor ones)
-Sitting on the rocks overlooking Doolin Pier
-Stopping to see the bulls, cows and sheep along the sides of the road (the bull was especially amazing).
-Listening to Irish country music on the radio while driving through the beautiful countryside
-Hiking along the breathtaking cliffs, feeling as if I was Princess Buttercup along the Cliffs of Insanity (‘Princess Bride’ was filmed here)
-Picking up two hitchhikers on the route to the airport just for Gośka to prove to Sean that hitchhiking in Ireland is possible
-Attempting to pump gas in an old school station without a shut off and spilling diesel all over my hand.

Food Highlights:
-A simple and tasty lunch at a pub near our AirBnB
-I don’t eat seafood but I did love watching Gośka thoroughly enjoy her oyster and seafood chowder
–Shepard’s Pie for my last dinner in Ireland

Language Highlights:
–Sometimes the most powerful language you can learn is silence. Gośka and I shared several quiet moments this weekend, communicating everything and nothing at the same time.

AIRPORTS: 22
FLIGHTS: 21
TRAINS: 15
BUSES: 4
STATES: 7
COUNTRIES: 14
CONTINENTS: 3
DAYS TRAVELING: 148
CURRENCIES: 7