“The peacock is a symbol of integrity and the beauty we can achieve when we endeavor to show our true colors.”

When I was walking through a park in Warsaw a little over a month ago, a peacock crossed my path. He opened his feathers and stood in front of me, gently swaying in half circles to the right… to the left.. back and forth for about 10 minutes. There was no female around to impress, so it was rare that he did this… It felt like he just needed to present himself in this moment. It was as if he was saying, ‘here I am, world… I’m beautiful, aren’t I?’. I have never used the world majestic to describe anything before, but it seems to be the only one fitting this experience.

I made an active decision to be happy 6 years ago, to not let ugliness and sadness consume me anymore. I worked hard to be the person I am today. And in the last two years, I channeled that energy to create the life I want to lead… I was promoted, bought a car, scored (and subsequently gave up for this trip) an awesome apartment in SF, fell in (and lost) love for the first time in 9 years, completely changed my lifestyle (losing 29% of my body weight), finished three Tough Mudders, paid off 50% of my student loans, paid off all of my credit card debt, had more adventures than I can list and traveled a good chunk of the globe (alone).

I know what it is to empower myself through decision and action… to feel pride in myself. Above all, my greatest accomplishment is that I have been able to remain open, vulnerable and loving despite deep loss and disappointment. Remaining this way allows me to experience the best parts of humanity, friendship and myself. I think the struggles allow me to embrace life with great fervor… As if knowing the dark depths allows me to appreciate the light above more. In a way, I’m grateful for the shit times… for the wisdom and strength I possess in overcoming it all.

I chose to get a tattoo to remember this time and feeling in my life… a peacock feather. I was lucky in finding a wonderful artist in Barcelona (the first time I’ve trusted a stranger to tattoo me). I want to remember this journey that began years ago with one seemingly simple choice… and to remember the beauty and power in vulnerability… as a symbol of my warrior spirit and brave heart.

I am now at the point in my life where I too am saying ‘here I am, world… I’m beautiful, aren’t I?’

“The peacocks feathers are meaningful to those with this power animal, for they also have an association with resurrection, rising out of the ashes. They can help us shed the old feathers of the past and to take back the true beauty of our individuality.”
– Ina Woolcott