My uncle gave me a card with this quote on it when I moved to California in May of 2011. Some things you hear and think you understand until the day that it really clicks and the meaning changes entirely. I experienced this moment just recently.

I never thought I would be one of ‘those’ people – People who had hobbies… dreams… got to travel… or hell, even just be happy. There was part of me that was always so insecure next to my peers… envious of their experiences, adventures and even their opportunity for education. I used to say that my life was like a horse race – my gate got stuck and I had to fight to force it open then spend the rest of the race struggling to catch up. I had a lot to contend with, to overcome. I had become very skilled at surviving what life sent my way. I had the support of friends and families who would tell me I was brave and strong, do their best to let me know I was loved. But what had I actually accomplished? Why did I never feel that sense of belonging? A drive or a passion for anything? Was this how life would be forever? Was this how everyone lived and felt? It couldn’t be. It wasn’t enough to just survive life, there had to be more. Otherwise, what was the point of it all?

During this time of doubt, I took one of my first trips to visit my best friend in San Francisco. Looking back, I can’t pull out a specific moment or event that made me know that I had to be here. I was so desperate for a bold change, a make it or break it moment. This was it. Two days after being back in Rhode Island, I bought a one way ticket back to California for two months later. I sold everything I owned, I quit a good job… I risked everything. I had $900 and no guarantee that things would be okay. If you knew me then, you know this was not like me. I played things safe, I thought everything out, I made sure that I would always be able to take care of myself and never have to depend on anyone. I allowed myself to be vulnerable for the first time, to accept the kindness of my best friend and all the new friends I was making.

Here I am, two years later… Older, but younger in so many ways too. I’m happy, truly happy. I’ve had opportunities, professionally and personally, that I could have never dreamed. I’m figuring out what hobbies I enjoy and having adventures, lots of them! I’m learning everyday and constantly meeting people who inspire me. I’m thriving. I’m creating the life that I want for myself. I thought I was searching for myself, but I’ve always known who I am – I just never knew how to accept and love that person.  I don’t clutch to fear and anxiety about the future, I don’t hold anger or hurt in my heart. I know how to accept the kindness of others and most importantly, how to set boundaries in my relationships – to know how to give without allowing myself to become broken or bent. I work every day to be aware of myself, to continue on this path of growth and self-actualization. And above all, I have developed a sometimes overwhelming sense of gratitude.

I took my first international trip in April, one that was long overdue. Traveling to Brazil really showed me what I was made of as an explorer. I could literally feel the synapses in my brain like lightning. I’m still in the midst of processing that trip and the two month east coast tour of love that followed. I’m swimming in uncharted territories now. There’s no longer a fight or flight mentality. I’m home with myself and in the world… happy where I am, but also aware that there’s more that I want to see and do. There’s this nudging, urging desire to travel that I can’t ignore now. I created this page to make my dreams and plans public, to hold myself accountable for their fruition.

I hope to reap the advice of fellow travelers, research my options and use this page as a way to both elicit and share information. I’m open, I’m ready. Let’s see where this journey takes me.